... stay optimistic ...

people around me are feeling depressed. i cannot help it but to feel the same way too. we have expectations and in an ideal case, it is best if we can meet all of them. sometimes, reality just does not allow that. mental block, you are not in luck on that day, carelessness... you name it. but to me, what's most important is to be able to recover from that fall in the shortest possible time. it's pointless to keep thinking why didn't i do this or that before it because i cannot change the end product. remember that time only moves forward? it's normal to have such reaction initially but let it go soon. just let it go and move on with life. hope everyone, including myself will be in high spirit again next week. =D

tough decision. i do not know what's best for me. i asked around, sought for advice and came to this conclusion. i do not know if i have made the right choice yet. time will reveal the answer soon. i know this route will be rocky and steep, but i will perserve on because i have their support. i hate to disappoint myself but i hate it even more to disappoint those who believe and support me along the way. i hate to cry because it is the first sign of me being weak, on the verge of collapsing. it will be painful if i fail again. but i will try harder and harder till i succeed on that day. i never believe in i reap what i sow because it never happens on me. but i still hope that hardwork and effort will pay off on that day.

victory is not determined by the score, but by the players' performance

you just tripped over a small hurdle but you have more wider and taller hurdles to jump over

hang in there

...she's coming back...

how was my 2 days break? nothing unusual nor exciting happened. i went to fang's house to have a jap drama marthon. the 2 of us are crazy over jap drama. i prefer jap to korea. korea dramas are similar to soap opera, you never fail to see the actors or actresses cry. they always evolve around love. cant they think of new concepts to write about? life is NOT all about love. at present, we have not finished a series yet. omg... how lousy right? the leading actor is an eye candy, which is encouraging. he is not gorgeous but he has this pleasant pretty face to admire. =) hahaz...

went to the library recently to borrow some books to enrich myself. aren't you shock??? karen is actually reading?? hahaz... people do change.

i got from a local TV drama. "when one is in the race, one has to constantly improve oneself though one might be in the lead. if not, one will be eliminated from the race" how true can it get? welcome to the reality people. that's how harsh things can get when everyone is competing for the same achievement. sometimes, i feel suffocated from all these competitions. why cannot we be peace loving people for once? why cannot we do things together as one? why must we be obsessed with individuals targets and deadlines to meet and neglect interpersonal relationships? why must we learn to be power hungry? what's all these power struggle for? life is harsh on everyone of us. why am i blogging all these?? argH!!!!

i should not let this dampen my spirit today. i am going to pig out tmr. hahaz... how exciting... i am going to eat lots and lots of ice cream. i miss ice cream!!!!! and a shopping trip with my sis this sunday. she is at taiwan now, on a business trip. i miss her so... it's okay. she is returning to spore tomorrow night. =)

"wait till you turn up"

...phew...

i just had a very extremely long chat with her. we always have endless topics to talk about though we will be seeing each other for the next 3 consecutive days. omg... how am i supposed to face this lump of fats and someone who loves to follow the way the mac aunty talked - so you doesnt want your hrashbrown? nvm... that's an inside joke.

it is over. yup. nothing much to talk about it. i dont feel any amount of excitment in me when it is over. just phew... let's say it together, P-H-E-W!!!! i am quite disappointed with my performance though judgement day is not near yet but i know it best myself. forget about it and move on with life. remember that no matter what happens, life goes on. =) i need to take a break to relax, enjoy and pamper myself during this break. cheer myself on for the next battle probably soon...

i am going to have those delicious bread i bought at crystal jade bakery later in the morning for breakfast. hahaz... i am looking forward for the sun to rise. a brand new day, a brand new me. =D

"the air smells better without stress"

...hate it...

i hate it when my efforts are not appreciated

sigh

i hate it when people critise me

when they fail to understand the rationale behind everything

hurt

why cant they look at things in my view

demoralised

it makes me want to quit

the last few days before the CT. i know all of us are struggling to be friends with our notes as fast and close as possible. dont give up people!!! we shall be free one week from today! meanwhile, work hard and play hard later. =D most importantly, stay positive.

"let it go"

...wouldn't be around...

going for camp tomorrow

though it has been ages since i last went for a camp

i am not as excited as she is

what's wrong with me today?

i flared up again

sorry

regret

"hard to say sorry"

...ye chuan...

tired tired tired tired tired tired tired. you get my point right? i just got back home from the ye chuan aka nj's cldds night. i was famished. the last time i ate something was around 6pm before i met goi and unexpectedly, neeile and jaja. i ate ice cream cone that my mum bought and CNY cookies my mum baked. it was not considered as a proper meal right? i was searching high and low for food once i reached home and decided to settle with instant noodles. haizz... so unhealthy. and now, i am waiting for my hair to dry so that i can go to my lala land soon. i am too lazy to walk to my parents' room to take the hairdryer, insert the plug into the socket, press the on button on the hairdryer and blow dry my wet hair.

back to the performance. the show rocks totally. i did not watch the 2004 performance. According to those who watched for 2 consecutive years, they commented that this year performance was much much better than last year's one. woohooo... i had made the right choice a year ago and today! the 3 short plays evolved around a simple yet meaningful word - HAPPINESS. everyone is busy searching for happiness in all ways everyday, in terms of school work, relationships, family, friends...

personally, i preferred the 1st play to the other because i think it was the most entertaining plays among the 3. besides, i loved the ah sao, played by one of my juniors from my junior class. her acting was impressive. i did not know she could act that well. she brought life to the character and lots of laughter from the audience throughout the performance. for that, i salute her. hahaz... my new idol ya. =) as for the story plot, i liked the last one. the last play was light hearted as compared to the 2nd one and all the actors were hilarious!!!! RJ, junjie, stanley, michelle, jieyue... all of them. most importantly, i loved the hidden message for the 3rd show.

"one should not always blame others on one's failure. one must achieve one's happiness by oneself"

maybe it is in me. i dont like to rely on others alot. to put it nicely, people praised me for being independence, while others may think that i do not trust others very easily. in either way, i am not going to change for the benefit of the others because that is not me.

going to watch HC's huang cheng next sat on the 19 march. hahaz... so exciting. why did karen love watching chinese plays? hmm...

"what comes up must come down"

...hitch...

yes, as promised, i went to visit the "date doctor" on monday. it is a romantic comedy. some parts were damn hilarious. hahaz.. i realised that will smith is a very charming guy. his eyes, his efforts to woo the lady, his built. hahaz... it would be nice if i can meet a guy like him. =) his tips for a guy to date a girl makes some sense to me. like the part about if you r going out with the girl and her best best bestest friend, leave a good and deep impression of yourself on the best best bestest friend cos most girls seek their best best bestest friend advice on whether she should go out with that guy at all. see, friends rockS!!!!

my stomach gave me problems from last night to today. i dont know what had went wrong!!! after catching the show, i drank a milo freeze on my way home. then i had my dinner and an apple, pear and jelly that my mum made herself. the next moment, i was running to the toilet. =( how sad... did i eat too much? what the crap. eating is a bliss. =)

ran 4 rounds for PE today. my timing not bad. =) yeah!!! 1st to 3rd round was 2.08s and the last lap was 2.10s. hahaz... damn tired during the last lap. i HATE running. sometimes, if i get very extremely dismoralised, i will get myself, why am i torturing myself to running rounds after rounds on the track? what the hell am i doing? anyway, i am pleased with my performance today. =)

on my way home, i was hanging my head low, staring at the ground, walking. it occurred to me will i appreciate my surroundings more if i use my heart to feel the surroundings instead of using my eyes to look at them? weird ya... sometimes we need to let our emotions run wild and use our heart and soul but not our analytic mind to look at things. is it better?

there's a friendly bb match tmr for the girls. jiayou goi!!! have more confidence in yourself okay and everything will be fine. =)

"chocolates solve all problems"

...hopeful...

yes Yes YES!!!! i finally got my hands on the book 'angels and demons'. muhahaha... goi, you better finish reading yours ASAP. hahaz... i am soooo excited about reading the book. thrilling, mysterious, exciting, action-packed.... it can just keep me awake the whole night just reading the book. i must finish reading the book by this weekend. =)

went for guides at RV today. it occurred to me that i had been scolding my juniors everytime i go back to RV. am i sick of scolding them yet? today was one of the worst day for them, in terms of punishment. but i cannot help it. some said i am sadistic before but i don't care. they deserve to be punished. some think it's stupid or cruel to pump your cadets when they make a mistake and detest uniformed grp. too bad... that's uniformed grp. disclipined, sense of urgency, respect, unity, effort, positive attutide. these are what i expect from them. am i asking too much? i hate it when people criticize RV GUIDES . maybe that's why i set high expectations on them. it's hard to be a senior because there are like 4 levels of juniors looking up to you.(though some maybe literally looking up to me) i need to fulfil what i expect them to do as well. if not, how can i convince them that they DID a mistake and deserve to be punished. afterall, i still have the passion for RV guides. =)

today is the release of the A levels results. a year later, i will be taking mine. hmm... how time flies ya. i cannot wait for it to be over and move on with my life.

going for a swim tomorrow morning if the weather allows. i think i will be burnt under the burning sun tomorrow because my face is RED after standing in the sun for about 3 hours during guides activity today. omg but that is not stopping me to go for a swim tomorrow. hahaz... RV guides annual camp is coming. hahaz... excited. when was the last time i went for a camp?? hmm...

"respect command. command respect."

...individualism...

all of us are unique in our own way. it's individualism. i believe that the desire to be unique among the others is the strongest at teenhood and early 20s because we are busy seeking our identity and a sense of belonging then. i am in fact in favour of it. individualism makes one to be outstanding among the others.besides, inidividualistic individuals have their own thinking. they make their own decisions and do not follow the crowd blindly like a pet dog. however, being individualistic can be bad too. it attracts unwanted attention from people around you. for instance, there is this hot babe walking along the streets in this super mini skirt and super low-cut top (aka which some of us will equate to not wearing anything at all), people will naturally stop in their track, give her this disgusted stare and examines her from top to bottom. they will point their fingers at her and friends start to whisper among themselves. she is just trying to stand out among the others. is it her fault to attempt to be unique? or isn't that we cannot accept such differences yet?

"selfish" and "self-centre". are we really that bad? i will only consider someone as a selfish fool when he/she does not share and hurt the people around him/her. i dont think that not voicing up our opinions is considered as selfish. we dont speak up is we are either too shy to speak up in fear of making stupid mistakes in the public or unable to pay FULL attention to the speaker for the full 50 minutes slot or we plainly do oot understand what the speaking is uttering about. is it our fault? it just makes time crawl and our learning inefficient. i agree that studies are important to us at this stage of life. but sometimes, we need to question our learning environment too. for example, there is this person A who never fails to ask the tutors question which make no sense to you, or always be the first to answer the tutors' questions enthusiastically which confuse you, the majority of the class will start to outcast him/her. is it fair towards him? i admit i did that before. thinking back, i am ashamed for being so childish and immature.

it is impossible to compare 2 different humans together. we have our own unique features, character, ability, physical appearance... basically everything. even twins have differnences too. if so, how can we ever compare 2 completely different group of people together? is it a fair comparsion. i know that if they can do it, why cannot we do the same as them or even better. it's just a form of motivation for some of us to push on when we meet with difficulties. sometimes, this motivation will backfire. didn't you know that apply too much force will break a rubber band? like my friend, wenting went to pierce her ear for the fifth time today. i, the timid one, am anxious and worried for her when she was the one piercing the ear. hahaz... i am sooo lousy. i am never ever going to pierce my ears so just give up persuading me to go for ear piercing. see, how the 2 of us differ.

i am going to catch "hitch" this monday. hahaz... i cannot wait for it. it's strange that i am paying $6.50 to laugh in a cinema just to make my day happy. =)

"the most precious thing is often near you"